Conversation & Connection, London Life in 2019

A good conversation takes me on a journey into the life of the other.
A good conversation teaches me about a different culture.
A good conversation shows me the vulnerability of the other.
A good conversation teaches me about myself.
A good conversation always turns into a healing moment.
A good conversation can never be replaced by technology.
A good conversation makes me fall in love with you and life.

Why should I and why should you ever stop longing for a really good conversation then? Connecting, hence belonging is something we all want and need.

The art of having great conversations and the art of making real connections through them is very old. However, approaching the new decade, I do have my doubts that in times of speed reading WhatsApp messages, leaving questions unanswered and responding with emoticons, the conversation skill is overlooked right now and needs to be relearned. Relearned by most of us, let’s be honest.

What’s wrong with having a conversation these days?
It takes place in real-time. (Oh yes, you need to make time for that.)
You can’t control what you are going to say. (I tell you a secret: only the ones who are not at peace with themselves do worry about that.)

This is something Sherry Turkle asks and answers in her TED talk. Does it sound familiar to you? We got used to being able to edit and delete posts, voice messages, emails, texts, and comments even likes. But in a face to face chat you won’t be able to do that.

I recently asked my colleagues to share with me their one tip and the best advice they would give all leaders out there. I received a couple of advice and tips but this one stuck with me: don’t listen to respond. Listen to understand.

Who’s listening in your life? Who is not?

And please, let’s not blame technology for making it worse because it’s using our drive to connect and to be listened to and creates substitutions.

I stopped using Facebook three years ago for one reason (and only had to create an account because of my work): I had the impression I knew everything about my friends and what they were up to so that there was nothing left to ask about when I saw them face to face. I saw all the pictures, I saw all the comments, etc. I found it sad. So I decided to stop using it, stop scrolling through profiles, and checking all their updates. Instead I wanted them to tell me about it when I see them.

And what’s happening when they and you don’t make time to see each other? It’s a very modern disease by the way called being busy.
Well, in my eyes that’s when we start feeling lonely and disconnected from each other. Lonely and afraid of intimacy.

And then when you have that conversation, eye contact, nodding, repeating … forget about that crap!

I remember my parents were telling me that the kitchen is the place where conversation happens. Create those sacred places to reclaim conversation. Give it time and space. When you look at the below pictures a lot of them were taken in our shared kitchen, in that community we created to have real conversations here in London. It’s not only about those heavy and deep topics but yes it is about exploring ourselves, feeling understood, and accepted and it’s about creating an opportunity to share our funny stories, too. We’ve learned so much from each other. And we had so much fun together!

3 Ways to Have Great Conversations:

1. Organise a get-together and mix people! Get creative and don’t mind the work of coordinating it. (One tip: if you are afraid that some people won’t get along and leave you to feel weird - then first you seem to be not very confident yourself and secondly, you don’t know the right people.)

2. Make time for phone calls! I have friends who moved away from where I live and we have regular calls (for instance every first Wednesday of a month).

3. Truly listen to understand not to only respond. If you feel the urge to share with the other who you are, be patient. If it’s the right conversation partner he or she will ask about you. I do believe in the 50/50.

In the past few years and especially in London I have learned to not give up putting effort into connecting people. I didn’t give up organising Christmas or Midsummer parties, bringing the people I know together. It’s tough, I need to be transparent about that. People are busy, people cancel or don’t even give you a cancellation notice. It’s rude, disrespectful and I was almost giving up because there are only a handful of people in my life who are doing the same and connect people. But this year, 2019, with the spectacular Hyde Park Picnic I have realised it’s so worth keep doing it!

Friends call my friends their friends, we are there for each other, we fall in love with each other, we share the ups and downs. Again, it’s worth connecting people. Create those moments to have real conversations.

“One of the best things in life is meeting new people. Especially those that are best friends with your loved ones.” - Marie Janine

Connections by Mystic Ink Plus

I believe
Someday
Somebody
Will appear in your life

That moment
You will feel special
You will flow with the time

You will be comfortable
With a soulful company
Opening the door of sincerity

Like never before
You will carry the flame of life
When dream meets reality
You will find beautiful

Everything
Everyone