STRESSED PEOPLE

Stressed people often do and say things they would probably not say and do if they were in a more relaxed state. 

Being under constant stress impacts the part of our brain that helps us control our behaviour. I don't want to go deep into the neuroscience behind it, but I have wondered how stressed people hurt others, even though this has never been their intention. But they do, which creates a reaction in the other person and can damage a relationship significantly. 

Worldwide, we have seen increased stress levels. On average, over 62%, or three in five people across 31 countries, report feeling stressed to the extent that it has affected their daily lives at least once. For me the past few years had very stressful phases that impacted my physical health for sure. But how did it also influence the relationships around me?

We work long hours and spend most of our week with work, then life admin tasks increase the older we get, and we seem to have less leisure time in general. I have also noticed that we are living in times in which we seem to have lost the art of discussing, fighting, and accepting that other people can have other opinions but remain close friends, lovers, colleagues, parents, etc. We don't always agree with what others say and do. That is natural. But it does not mean, we cannot co-exist with or respect them. This is not easy, I think. You go through some difficult moments filled with emotions when someone shares a completely different opinion. Firstly, I feel rejected - the worst feeling on this planet ever. If the person is stressed out, often their tone of voice can be colder and harsher and everything they say can feel more mean. It can make me feel less appreciated, and not respected because my opinion is the opposite, and it definitely can create an immediate reaction of defense. 

And reacting defensively can make things even worse, in my eyes. The other is sharing his or her thoughts, in the end, they share their own world with you, but they often don't know even themselves what their intention is. Could be to just make a point, try to feel back in control, influence the other, get agreement and confirmation, or even try to get attention. Those stressed souls also just want to feel seen and heard. 

Naturally, it can be difficult for anyone to consistently manage their feelings and reactions in situations where someone's words may have hurt, annoyed, or confused them. But if we don't become aware of our own reactions, we cannot guide healthy conversations. 

So what do I think I want to try and keep doing in such challenging situations? 

• Just listen.
  --> Nothing of what they say will I take personally. I do have this power.

• Just understand.
  --> I know that they are not in an ideal but stressed phase of their lives. I understand that this has a huge impact on them.

• And asking questions.
  --> I don't want to assume why the other is saying it, or why they react in a way. 

What I have learned is that we all speak and act from our perspective. And if we can check in with our state and feelings first, we might react and say different things to the people around us.